been real tired today.
i woke up at 9-ish, stayed awake for an hour or two, and then fell back asleep until 2:00. forgot about my laundry until not long ago at all in the process, so that's been sitting in the washer today.
i don't know if it's depression (probably part of it) or if i've been overexerting myself lately (not that i've done much, but i'm 90% sure i have some sort of issue with my energy levels) but that is SO much more sleep than i wanted. i am coughing again, so i'm leaning towards overexerting myself.
i probably just needed the rest.
since it's winter break, i've been cooking more often, which is great because it means i get to eat more good food but it's very tiring. plus i have a lot of writing to do... blasted through the bulk of one of two nominations i have to help write for an organization i'm part of and also pushed out the rest of a fic i was writing for a secret santa event i signed up for.
there has been... very little response to the fic. and i'm not really mad about it. not my best writing by far. characters and pairings i already wasn't interested in, and for some reason i decided to make it poly and of course that makes it even less appealing to a lot of people. so as far as i'm concerned, this fic was literally written for an audience of one (my recipient). i was never expecting to get a lot of feedback on it.
what makes me feel a bit disappointed, though, is that... well, this is the first fic i've finished since april 2024. it's the first fic i've written that cracked 3k -- which is kind of the fandom standard for oneshots in the fe3h fandom (this was not a fe3h fic) since some time in 2023. this was kind of a big deal for me! and i don't know if i'd say i'm discouraged because of it; like i said, i really only expected one person to maybe enjoy it. successfully finishing and posting that fic is a lot more important to me than getting feedback on it, especially since what i actually ship for that fandom is only enjoyed by myself and two other people.
but i'm not immune to wanting a bit of praise, either. and that's fine.
i also can't complain too much because i was thrilled with what i received! it was exactly what i wanted, beautiful art -- my giftee completely knocked it out of the park. i generally keep my expectations at zero for exchanges because that helps me focus on appreciating the effort people put in for my gift rather than if i actually think what they've made is good. i could have had high expectations for this gift and i wouldn't have been disappointed. good shit!!!!
just got tired again and i'm not sure what else to say, so i think i might bow out. i did watch eephus last night and was kind of thinking of talking about that but it's a movie where i'm not quite sure how to feel about it and only kind of know what to say, so i might leave that for another time.
anyway. byeeeee
Awww you should definitely be proud of getting your writing done in any case but it's so normal to just be a bit disappointed that no one else seems to CARE. What have you been cooking tho? Literally read that sentence and got a hunger pang so it might be my lunch time.
ReplyDeleteresponding to this not signed in because i do Not have the strength to deal with going out of my way to permit cookies for this site specifically right now ðŸ˜
Deletelegitimately i'm already like "maybe i should just delete the fic" because i don't even really like it lmao... like the combination of it being a flop AND about a subject matter i don't really care about isn't doing it any favors!!! but it's only been up for two days and i should really give my recipient a chance to read it if they haven't already.
god, now that you've asked i'm trying to remember what i've cooked lately. uhhhh well for christmas eve i did a baked ziti that went over really well! i made congee for the second time in my life a few days ago, and it's fine, but it really needs a hit of freshness from some green onion and i haven't picked that up yet. i made some slow cooker korean beef (flavor, not literal korean beef) tacos from a recipe my family likes a couple of nights ago... and then last night i made this peanut tofu soup that's a dupe my mom found years ago for a soup they really like from a local restaurant! we were gonna make pizza tomorrow because her friend brought her some frozen new york style pizza dough and now we don't have to do it ourselves, but we have too many leftovers in the fridge, so we're going to do it monday instead. i'm really looking forward to it because a couple of years ago i was like hey what if i put this spicy butter chicken on this pizza instead of tomato sauce and let me tell you: fantastic idea. and then this is also a "haven't done this yet" but i got a bunch of tins of maesri curry paste and i'm really looking forward to trying those out :)
i hope you ended up having something good for lunch!! also thank you for just, like. showing up and reading and commenting lol it's very sweet of you <3